Here is all your fishing questions answered.
When is the best time to fish?
Fishing should be avoided during meals, and while operating heavy machinery. Fishing while being intimate with someone you like a lot, is by many also frowned uppon. Fishing while on a familly outing to the aquarium is simply bad form!
What should I do if I get a fishing hook stuck in my finger?
First of all it is important to act quickly. Scream like a littlle girl - the louder the the better. This will work as an anesthetic. Follow this up with a good mix of adequate profanity, this will prevent you from going into shock. The third stage involves sticking the hand in between your thighs while rocking slowly back and forth, this is essential in maximazing the audiences sympathy. Last comes the difficult part where you have to judge when the audience is starting to get bored. Only then may you dig out your rusty leatherman tool to remove the hook. Feel free to repeat the 3 first stage for extra effect at this point.
How long should I wait for the fish to bite?
The standard time is one Mars bar and a brew. If you are on the continent, the new EU directive require one Red Bull and a Snickers. In dire situations a double Mars bar is best.
For smokers, two lightings of the pipe equals one Lucky Strike. For non smokers, a cup of lukewam tea is okay.
Is there a fishing method that guarantees a catch?
The most common method is to have a brew, this will ensure that the fish will bite. Other common methods are nose plucking, throwing the bait into the river/sea/lake and decide to go home while saying that "it is completely dead today", as well as urinating. But it requires a lot of practice to be able to do all of these at the same time.
Is it dangerous to go fishing alone?
There is a real chance of a 6 ton Orca roaring up from the depth and snatching the mackerell you just caught right out of your hand. Nobody will bellieve you!
I've heard old people say there was more fish in the sea in their day. Is this true?
Old people are like that. There was always more sunshine when they where young, and the winters where gruesome. We had snow in July when I was young!
